I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
