I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
