I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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