I am puke
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
