Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
