Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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