I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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