i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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