Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
