is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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