I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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