If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
