Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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