Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
