What did we do last night that was yellow?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
