If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
