i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
