I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
