There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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