ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
