i just had sex bonerless
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
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I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
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I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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