How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
is it fun? or sober?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
