She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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