I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
