I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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