Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
