Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i think i have herpe
just one?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
