well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
