Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
she looked like the before picture.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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