Sry I called you an 8
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
