I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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