And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
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She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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