hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
