just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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