From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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