I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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