on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
