I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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