so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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