my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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