i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
