My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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