why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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