we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
