the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
