We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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