life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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