Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
