just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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