I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize