he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
