but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
