wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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