You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
