I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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