it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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