He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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