UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
