I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
