"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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