just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
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