i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
