I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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