Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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