you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
