Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
