I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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