I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize