She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
