come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
