i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
where does the pee come out of this thing
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
