what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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