I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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