Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
