I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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