So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
