im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
