just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
