he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
