I'm lost and stupid without you.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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