i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
