I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
