so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize