Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
my sisters under your porch take her home
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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