My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
