You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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