So drunk its hurt
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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